she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
