im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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