Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
