So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
