Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
