i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
