Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
