I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
