I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
