As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
