They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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