they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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