my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
