Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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