i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
