My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
