You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
