I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
