If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize