we were pretty classy up until the second keg
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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