Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
