Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
