Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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