I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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