I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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