Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
