dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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