i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
