im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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