Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
