Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
