If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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