My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
wow bdsm is so cute
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
