So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize