Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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