planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're like the curious george of whores
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
