you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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