Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize