Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
