You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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