Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When are your genitals available?
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