I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so let's talk penis.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
