I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
