His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
