I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
