i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
