I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize