He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
