note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
