Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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