She said her name was "party"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
