Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
