I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
