Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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