So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
