then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
