it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
