Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
