I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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