im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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