So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
