Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
