craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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