Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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