Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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